When the lights go out…

It’s always after they fall asleep, lights off, darkness around me with only my phone shining that I read a blog post, or article about parenting.  How we should do better, be better.  Why shutting off our phones or closing the laptop and really listening is so important.  I read about the kids who remember one thing, not the money, not the toys, not the gifts, just the memories.   The ones who only have memories.  Tears literally pour and I want to go and wake them up and tell them how sorry I am.  I’ll be more present, I’ll do better.  I’ll play that game, bake that cake, read that book, hug them a little longer because they’re fading into finding that joy elsewhere.  
The truth is I’m scared.  I am so afraid that I’m not getting this right.  That I’m spending so much time on providing “things” that I’m not providing the only thing that they need.  That they want.  Just me.

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