Have you ever said that to your child? Have you ever pushed their hand away when they are reaching to hold yours? Have you ever pushed away their body when they are coming in for a hug?
My daughter was writing a birthday card to her grandma the other day and it was a questionnaire that went something like “My grandma gives better hugs….” and she had to fill in the blank. She filled it with “then my mom”. A little heart wrenching to read and take in. She’s right though, I hate being touched. I push away affection. I push away my kids.
It’s not something I do on purpose. It’s not something I don’t try to catch and correct. I want them to know I love them, I want them to come to me for hugs and kisses and I love you’s. I never want them to seek affection and attention elsewhere, especially my beautiful little girl.
I feel like time is moving so fast. Time to tell them I’m wounded and have no excuse not to show them the affection and love they deserve. That my words aren’t empty and I’ll do better. That I’m terrified of the day that they stop asking and maybe even stop wanting it.
It’s not to late and being honest, because well these are my words, I cringe at the thought of someone laying at my feet or on my arm or leaving me feeling suffocated I know it’s something I have to move past.