“Opinions are like ass holes…” You’ve heard the saying.  Last night my son had one of his episodes.  I grabbed the belt and threatened him, don’t push the bed over or else…. Don’t throw any more books or else…. Stop screaming or else… Now let’s be clear I’ve tried the whole spanking him, sitting on him until he calmed, time out, grounding, consequences, etc and let’s be clear his outbursts STILL occur.  I’m the person that likes to overly educate myself, that won’t give up, that once my mind is made up then I’m not satisfied until I’ve succeeded.  I WILL NOT ALLOW MY SON TO FAIL.  As he gets older I wonder how else I can help him, I feel like I’m failing him and it kills me.  So you might day that didn’t change his diet enough or Im medicating a little boy who just needs more outside time.  You’ll even say I don’t spank him enough, or I’m not consistent but once all those things happen then what?  What else do you have to throw at me?  What else am I doing wrong?  Where. are. the. solutions!!??? Where is the compassion?

I am the mother of a 9 year old that has a brain disorder.  I don’t need lists of what I’m doing wrong I need solutions on how to make it better.



Really though… Go the F to bed!  😂

My nightly routine with the boy, always, never ending begging for him to just go the fuck to sleep.  He’s just like his mom, insomniac, brain always running, always something else that needs done and the next day it starts all over again.  How do you change someone’s nightly routine.  I’ve heard it all, no electronics, close your eyes, try some white noise, don’t work out to late, blah blah blah.  How about Restirol, Ambien, Clonodine, or every over the counter sleeping medicine you can try.  Sleep is awesome but it’s never ever enough once I fall asleep and it goes the same for him.  

Do you ever wish there was something you didn’t pass on to your kids?  Well this is one of many for me.

Hope the little monster falls asleep soon. 💤💤

It all makes sense now…

Today was the day they said things that finally made sense.  My son, 9 years old, bright eyed, intelligent, self deprecating, and moody should be tested for autism spectrum disorder.  For years, since he was a toddler he’s always been “different”.  I obviously don’t use that term with him but facts are facts, he’s not like other boys his age and never has been.  He’s particular, he’s fearless, he’s a concrete thinker he’s overly emotional and my gawddd can be throw one hell of a fit.  He loves and hates so passionately.  BUT he’s mine and I’m determined to help him no matter the cost.  

Today May 3rd, 2016 he was given a consequence and he was so frustrated he went into his room and destroyed it.  He hated that we’ve implemented and are sticking to these rewards and consequences.  Today for the first time in who knows how long he reasoned or tried to reason with the outcome of his actions.  Today he cautiously accepted his consequence, apologized and asked for ways to earn rewards to negate his consequence.  We are working to turn a page and I feel confident it starts with me.  With my ability to stick to consequences to work on my frustration and to keep pushing forward…

Please wish me luck, say a prayer, do whatever you do to encourage families like mine to stay strong and keep moving forward.